Know Where You Stand
A
is for ASSESS
“You can’t solve a problem if you don’t know understand it!”
It’s all about asking the right questions!
It’s time to figure out WHY your dream is not happening right now in your life?
What is stopping you from having the things you want in your life? AND, Why is NOT having your dream a problem?
This isn’t the time to get flippant or sarcastic. If you feel the urge – get over it. The first time I faced this question about my dream, I got angry and defensive. Later, I learned that it’s a very normal response to get angry. Even to blame. So go ahead and get emotional – but don’t stop.
If you want your dream to happen in your life, then buckle up buttercup and keep on going.
Mindset Adjustment
If you think about it for a moment you may agree that when you don’t have something you want or need you’ve got a problem. The Mindset Adjustment to consider here is that recognizing you have a problem is good because problems can be solved.
I’m going to divert for a moment to talk about Problem Solving. The key to really good problem solving – what is taught much better in other countries than in U.S. schools – is first understand the problem and then recognize it could be solved any number of ways.
When I was in elementary school, my math teacher asked the class to divide 13 in half. Most of the kids scoffed and came up with 6 1/2. I knew the teacher better and realized she was up to something. So, I came up with 13 (That’s 13 with a line across the middle.) Most of the kids laughed at me but our teacher didn’t. Instead, she asked how else could 13 be divided in half. I wrote 6.5 She asked, how else? THIR TEEN Next, I wrote 110.1 which is the binary. In the end, everyone, including me, understood the point of her lesson: to get the answer you’re looking for, you have to be very careful how you ask your question. That is precisely what Einstein was saying in his quote:
“If I had an hour to solve a problem I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.”
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Let’s say that your dream is to be a international best-selling author. This isn’t true now, so what is the problem? Why is it a problem? Is it because you’ve written a book or two and it isn’t selling? Or is it that you just never got around to writing a book?
Like in the DREAM process, the Assessment is best done as a written exercise, though I wouldn’t fault you if you throw your notes away afterward.
The exercise below is going to help you get to the root cause of what’s holding you back. Read through the instructions, then set everything aside, get out paper and pen and tackle this exercise with gusto.
It should be a bit of a discovery process. Fair warning: it could be a little painful (for me it was almost like re-breaking wrongly set bones,) but afterward, I promise, if you go deep enough, even if you don’t go any further with my DARE process, you’ll start making real and significant progress even on your own.
So let’s start by looking at your itemized dreams list. Then, for each item on your list, you’re going to do the exercise below. I’ve seen people start to get the same answer over and over again. Maybe that will happen for you. That means you only have one real thing to work on to manifest your dreams.
But maybe, you’ll get a whole long list of answers which could seem overwhelming. But don’t let it bother you. You’ll learn what to do with it in the R step.
Do you really think what you don’t know can’t hurt you? Think again!
My memory tells me I had an amazing childhood. Reality tells a different story. I grew up in a very poor family of migrant workers. My community was fearful, superstitious and stubbornly proud. We saved everything to hand down, recycle and reuse, especially food and clothing. So I learned creativity and innovation at the knee of my very thrifty grandmother who was brilliant because she had to be.
Grandma lived in constant fear, of shortage, of injury to someone she loved, of outsiders because they hated us, yet she always told me to dream big – which was hard to do with my preprogrammed view of the world. So, I dreamed as big as I could at the time but with each accomplishment, I cast my vision further.
Looking back, I realize my problem was believing in the stories my family told me. I’ve since learned to believe a new story about myself and I’m still working on creating my very happy ever after,
Celia was in her 4th month of pregnancy when she came to me for childbirth classes. She told me she was raised by an uncle and two older brothers after her mother died when she was ten years old. Imagine learning all the facts of life from men! Understandably, she was not comfortable with her body and all the changes happening due to pregnancy. Frankly, she was terrified.
We identified all her reasons for being afraid (fear was her biggest problem) and diffused them one by one. She studied the course materials, understood what her body and baby were doing, and had a very smooth, unmedicated birth.
Celia has since used the DARE process outlined in these pages to become a childbirth educator herself.
Brittany was a young mother who lived with her own mother across the road from me. Her daughter played with my children so she’d heard a lot about me. One day, Brittany asked if she could talk to me – openly and honestly – she wanted career guidance so she could do better for herself and finally move out on her own.
Her biggest problem was that she didn’t have a clue what she could do or should do.
We assessed her skills, her interests and her resources. We determined how to use what she already knew and then grow her value in a field that would provide her desired outcome.
She landed a position as an entry level IT System Administrator which paid twice as much as she had been making, and meanwhile attended night school that her employer paid for. She went on to become the director of the IT department.
EXERCISE #2
Why don’t you already have your dream?
This is the question you need to answer. Over and over again.
Before you even begin, let me give you two tips to make sure the process works for you the way it is supposed to. First of all – It’s very important that you don’t censor yourself. Don’t second guess. Don’t filter. But also, don’t go emotionally overboard. This isn’t a “blame” game. Just answer the question as best and honestly as you can.
Second, this is not the time to go easy on yourself. You need to get real. Don’t blame anyone or anything else, either. (Not the economy, or your body, not your brains or your mama.) The blame game is the lame game; blaming only gives your control away.
RECLAIM YOUR CONTROL! RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW.
If you don’t believe you’re responsible for the life you are currently living, then stop right here. Don’t go any further.
Just keep on doing what you’ve always done and keep getting more of the life you already have. I think back to when I first realized what was holding me back and to be honest, I blamed my family and my upbringing. But we all have families, skeletons and ghosts. No, the deeper I went with the exercise, the more I came to realize that my real problem was the behaviors I had developed: I was lazy and a smart aleck.
If you want different…. You gotta do different. You gotta be different. You gotta think different.
If you are sick and tired of your own s#it then CLAIM ownership and TAKE responsibility by answering the question as honestly and thoroughly as you possibly can: What is stopping me from having my dream already?
Here are a few different prompts to help start thinking about the problem =>
The problem I want to solve is I do not have my own successful small business which would provide the income I need to live out the rest of my dreams like living in the country in a custom built Barn Home, and traveling the world on luxury vacations.
- I don’t already have what I want because I… [possible answers look like: I waste a lot of time on video games. Video games are fun. Work is not fun. I hate being bored. I feel lonely when I’m bored. I am afraid of being alone.]
- And that’s because I… [ possible answers look like: My mother left me alone a lot when I was little. I was scared. I didn’t feel safe. I hid in the bedroom. I played with toys so I wouldn’t feel scared. Logic tells me I wouldn’t be alone if I had a good business. Safety isn’t a problem. So, really, I just hate being bored. ]
- And I _____ instead of _________ [Continue to hide in my home playing video games or spending a lot of time watching movies instead of tackling my fears and learning new skills.]
- I should…. [Stop all the distractions that keep me from building a business. Do some research. Pick up a book. Find new friends who encourage me. Find people are already have skills I need for a business. Ask someone for help. Find a mentor. Watch instructional videos. Just get out and socialize more with new people.]
- But I don’t because…. [It’s overwhelming. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know who to ask. I am afraid I’ll fail.]
- And I also don’t…. [Like to study. Like to ask for help.]
- I could have my dream if I would just start …… [thinking about the kind of business I want to start, learning what it takes and what I need to do, find ways to make it fun, exciting, valuable for me and my future customers. Take some online courses. Network and talk to people.]
- I could have my dream already if I stopped …. [Wasting time. Wasting money. Wasting energy. Overeating. Procrastinating. Looking to be entertained. Hanging out with people who don’t want me to be successful. Bashing myself. Hiding.]
Keep in mind, these are just prompts and the text in brackets are just random examples of what answers might look like. You need to look at each item on your Dreams List and ask yourself: Why don’t I have this already, over and over again, until you get to real answers.
The deeper you go with this part of the exercise the easier it is going to be to see what you need to do (or change) to start getting the life of your dreams.
Key Mindset Shift Item:
As an adult, you are the only one responsible for the life you are living.
Roadblocks
Challenges
Time Management
Beliefs